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Sunday, October 2, 2016

Professional Tips From a Certified Unprofessional

1. - Poop before you take a shower. Pooping after a shower makes it difficult to wipe.
2. - Never poop in the shower.
3. - If you do poop before your shower, turn on the shower first so it's nice and warm by time you're done pooping.
4. - Take long showers. Use that time to think of all the things you need to do.
5. - Shave while you're in the shower.
6. - You don't need a new towel every time you shower. You were clean when you used it the last time, remember?

- #SocialMovementsMustHaveAHashtag
- No matter what quirks you have, there is always a scientific study that says that it is a sign of being intelligent

More to come

Friday, April 3, 2015


Sunday, January 19, 2014

Weight Equality

"The Knot Ties From Both Ends" - Adam Rooster Handy

Sunday, December 9, 2012

saving grace

Monday, October 29, 2012

old school girlfriend application

lol found this on my myspace account.... wrote it back in 2006....


Girlfriedn Application

Current mood:anxious
Hello and welcome to Adam's Girl Online Co.

Here you will Find An Application to be Adam's Gilrfriend. Adam does not discriminate so please all races, genders, life forms, and sexual preferances are welcome. Dont get discouraged, the app looks long but you will be done in no time. Feel Free to be as short or as detailed as you want.

Disclaimer: By filling this out you give Adam the right to Review, laugh, and enjoy your application.

Please fill out your general info below befor we start the rest of the application.

Step 1.

Full Name:



Horoscope Sign:

Social Security Number:

Drivers licens number (If Applicable):

Phone Number:

How tall are you?:


Now that we know who you are we can go on to step 2. In Step 2 We have some General questions Adam would like to know about you. These questions are orginized by subject. Please take your time.


Do you smoke?:

Do you drink?:

Do Any drugs?:

Do you drive? If yes what do you drive?:

Are you in school? If yes where?:

Do you work? If yes where?:

Do you have a nickname? If yes what is it?:

Do you have rubber nipples?:

Whats your favorite flower?:

Do you cook without burning the food?:

Cats or Dogs?:

Summer or winter?:

Do you give piggy back rides?


Now we are on to the more detailed and interesting questions. These questions will give Adam a better feel of who you are.


Subjet - What if.

What if you were stranded on an island and no people except pigmies on one side of the island and crack heads on the other, what would you do to survive for 10 years when your randomly rescued?:

What if you found out i was your brother and we had already done the deed?:

What if you found out Adam was your brother and you had been together for 3 years already?:

Subject - sexual

How many people have you had sex with?:

Where is the most random place you have had sex?:

What is your favorite sexual position?:

Where is your favorite place to have sex?:

What do you do when you masterbate?:

What is your favorite sexual taboo? (if you dont want people to know this then you can send it to me in a private message, i give you my word i will tell no one):

Are you willing to try anything?:

Whats your favorite part about your body?:

what do you do during sex (ex. scream, moan, talk dirty, act goofy)?:

Are you dominant in bed or do you do what your told?

What kind of sex do you like?

How do you feel about bite marks?:

Do you bring toys to the bed?

Would you take naked pictures of yourself and send them to me?:

Do you cook or clean naked?:

What kind of underwear do you wear?:

Do you start sexual thing on your own (ex. making out, blowjobs, sex) or do you wait for someone else to start it?

Subject - In a relationship

Whats your longest relationship?:

what is the 3 most important things to you in a relationship?:

What are 3 things that piss you off the most in a relationship?:

Who wears the pants?:

Do you talk about whats bothering you or do you hold it back?:

What do you look for in a guy?:

What Do you look for in a relationship?:

Do you cheat in your relationships?

Subject - Life

Where do you see yourself in 2 years?

How old do you thik you will be when you get married?

Do you want kids? If so how many?


The next set of questions are based apon if you and adam were already together


Adam gets overheated Rater easily during the summer, if it was a hot summer day what would you do with Adam durring that day.

You and adam are out on your 5th date and running out of ideas on what to do, what do you do?

If adam were to call you at 3 in the morning asking you to go jogging with him and his dog at 4 what would you do?

Name 3 concerts you would take adam to.:

So your looking to spice up the sex life a bit, Adam brings out the idea adding another girl, what do you say?:

Adam's dog attacks and kills your cat. what do you do?:

You and adam are cuddleing in bed and you have to fart. what do you do?:

Adam asks you to trim, shave, or grow out your pubic hair, would you?

You and adam are on a road trip to where ever. The car breaks down do you make him walk for help? Do you walk for help? Or do you go together?:

Would you have anal sex with him if he could asure you that it will not hurt?:

Adam is driving and you are with him. Would you give him a handjob or blowjob without being asked just cause you know he likes it?


This section is to see how well you know adam.


What is His favorite color? red, blue or green:

Whats his favorite tea? lemon, raspberry or blueberry:

How many piercings does he have? 2, 5, 7:

How many brothers and sisters does he have? 3, 4, 5:

How many of them did he have sex with? 0, 1, 2:


So this is the end of the application. there is only a small part left for you to fill out. take care and thans for applying at Adam's Girl Co.

Please add a question that you think should have been on this application.

Please add any information you would like Adam to know.

Please ask Adam 3 questions you would like to know.

Last but not least what is it that you like about Adam?:

Sunday, October 14, 2012

And WTHR is false

dear readers that are just randomly coming by my blog (cause i have no subscribers) this post is in response to a post by one of my local news stations.
the post is titled "The harmful effects of hookah"

my response to the article is below

wow I'm offended and highly annoyed... this is what i love about people who try and pull out facts about hookah let me quote you from your own misguided post

"A typical one-hour hookah session involves inhaling 100 to 200 times the volume of smoke inhaled from a single cigarette. That's according to studies cited by the CDC."

you are comparing "ONE HOUR" against "ONE CIGARETTE". that is in NO WAY a controlled test... obviously youre going to get more smoke from that cause you are smoking more tobacco.. thats just one thing from that quote that is misleading

if you take a liter of smoke from a cigarette and a liter from hookah, you will see that there is FAR less toxins in the hookah smoke.
shisha (the name of the tobacco for hookah) has no extra additives its just the plant and a flavored molasses. most brands of shisha wash their tobacco which lowers the content of nicotine. the average cigarette has 5% nicotine in it, the average  hookah has .05% which is a HUGE difference.

on top of all that there is no chemical additives to typical shisha unlike cigarettes that have a list of over 500 additives

the average smoker smokes a pack a day, the average hookah smoker doesnt even smoke every day. someone like me that is an above average hookah smoker will smoke an hour a day, rarely do people smoke more than that a day.

dear WTHR news... get your facts straight before you post an article... oh thats right, facts are something from the past when news companies were actually respectful.

Monday, January 9, 2012


Dear target
I never plan on shopping online with you again... probably never going to your store again... I’m generally a very patient person, but it has run out.... I pre-ordered this game on the 26th of OCTOBER....the first thing you did was charge me twice, so I had to call up and get one of them taken care of. Second when you pre order this game you get what’s called early game access which lets you gain access to the game before its released but only for a few days... you were supposed to send me that code with my receipt... when I asked about it a week later you told me it isn’t something you do and that I had to talk to the game company…. So I talk to them and they tell me no that is something you (as in target) is supposed to take care of…. Keep in mind all this was in October…

I didn’t get my pre order access code till December just a week before I could use the access code… now I was happy to receive my access code in time to play BUT there was one problem… YOU (as in target) sent me a CODE that SOMEONE ELSE already USED…. Yes you sent me a code I couldn’t use cause someone had already used it… what the hell am I supposed to do with a code that is already used? so I thought about messaging you again to get a new code… but then it hit me… you aren’t reliable so I would probably be waiting a week just to hear back from you… so I decided to message the game makers again and see if they could help me… luckily for me they just sent me a new one without a problem…

So here I am playing the game a few days before it is released on the 20th of December… everything is fine at this point… the 20th rolls around and I start checking my email for the notification from you that the game has been shipped…. 20th no email…. 21st no email and they stop early game access and make it so only people with a product registration can play…. 22nd no email…. And then comes the 28th and I receive a notification saying that my order has been delayed, well no shit I can already tell that. I read further down and you tell me that my order won’t be shipped till the 9th… are you serious the 9th? That is 3 weeks after the release date…

Well like I said I’m patient, but here I am on the 9th as in TODAY… and still no notification…. Get your shit together and send my order or I’m canceling my 160$ order and going to Wal-Mart… and when I say send me my order, I don’t mean next week.. I mean overnight that on your own dime… I don’t care if you have to hand deliver it to me yourself at 4AM because this is fucking stupid. You have done nothing but fuck up my order since day one and I’m a little pissed off now.

Isn’t your motto expect more pay less? I do expect more… WAY more considering you’re a corporation... worst customer service and no customer satisfaction. And how am I paying less? I'm paying just as much here as anywhere else… try changing it to – pay the same with a headache

I hope you had some happy fucking holidays slacking off
P.S……… oh and fuck you

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Phone posting

I know you guys are thrilled, I can now post anywhere. Just downloaded the phone app for blogger.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Google Shopping Fail

while i was searching for a new jacket i noticed the same pages kept popping up randomly... google apparently doesnt want me to find a jacket easily

Click the picture to enlarge

Democratic Parking Only

This all started when my friend lauren posted a picture of someone parking to close to where she cant get in on the driver side... now lauren and i have known each other for quite a a few years so i know her fairly well and she knows i joke around a lot.... i also know she helped out in the democratic party for awhile and is very in to politics... so i did what i normally do and i made a joke.... this one turned out pretty good even tho lauren never even responded

Click picture to enlarge